Hattie's Holly (Red Dwarf fan fiction)

Shot inside the Red Dwarf. Our guys entering the canteen after they've just found RD back. Holly Hattie is sitting at a table, in full human form. Her head is resting on the table and tears are coming from her eyes.

All: What's wrong?

Holly: Everything is wrong, that's what's wrong. Everything.

They walk towards her, while her head is still lying on the table. They try to lift her to her feet. Then suddenly her arms and legs start to move around spastically. They quickly put her back in her chair.

Holly: You see? I told you everything was wrong!

Kryten: But what happened?

Holly: Aliens came, that's what happened. They said they had received orders to give someone on a ship called 'Red Dwarf' a new body. They said that person really wanted a new body. Since I was the only one on board...

Rimmer: Lister, if you had paid attention where you were parking

Lister: Oh, shut up Rimmer.

Cat: But what was that with your arms? You don't call that dancing, do you?

Holly: I've never had a body. I've never learned to use arms and legs, so now I can't control them. It is hell. I don't want a body. A body doesn't suit me.

Lister: I don't know. You're quite a babe!

Kryten: We must get you back. Holly, how can we get you back?

Holly: I don't know, I'm just a stupid humanoid now. You can't fit an IQ of 6,000 in those tiny brains of yours.

Cat: Can't we just slit her into the floppy drive?

Rimmer: This is pathetic!

Lister: No, I think you've got something there.

Cat: Three times in one lifetime? Soon I won't be needing a steam iron to iron my clothes!

Lister: If we could just record Holly's personality on a disc, like I did in the Hologram Projection Suite to give Rimmer his Deathday present, then we could just feed the disc to the main computers.

Cat: So it's a good thing you didn't give him a tie after all.

The skutters, having overheard the conversation and being assertive as they are, come in with a stretcher to carry Holly to the HPS.

New scene, also last scene of this extremely short episode, shows Hattie's face on a computer screen, looking really happy.

Holly: Thank you guys!

All: And we live happily ever after!
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This all evidently has one obvious and blatant ('...such a big one, that...') purpose, namely to point out that Hattie Hayridge belongs on screen. Brought to you by the Hattie Hayridge Lobby.